Regular self-examination keeps a person from drifting. What do I mean? I realize that if I don’t daily remind myself to live by my own philosophy, I will drift from those moral and ethical moorings. My Spiritual Mooring My life philosophy finds its mooring in the...
Sometimes a couple’s funtime may come through unexpected avenues! Have you tried “grounding” activities?
What if you as a couple decide to bless another person or couple with unexpected kindness? Imagine the positive effects on your marriage and the world!
Read these two scenarios and identify which best represents your style. SCENARIO ONE: The scene is in the living room after dinner on a weeknight. The husband is sitting in his easy chair. The wife just returned from cleaning up after dinner .WIFE: “We never talk...
My bride thinks and talks in concrete terms. I think and speak in abstract terms, like metaphors. Mary Beth lives in a world of detail. I live in a world of big ideas. So, what happens when we communicate about something we perceive as important? Yes, we can...
Your personality may determine how you approach conflict in marriage. If an extrovert, you tend to think as you talk. If you are an introvert, you tend to think and then speak. Now, put together an extrovert and an introvert in conflict. Do you see the potential...
The ceremony rehearsal behind them, the wedding party retires to the dinner. At the appointed time, the bride and groom thank the participants and speak of their undying love for each other. Here are summary quotes:
• Bride: “I love Mark because he makes me happy. He’s always there for me!”
• Groom: “Leslie, I love you because you’re beautiful, fun, smart. For those reasons and others, you make me happy!”
No killjoy intended, but reality lies ahead of this couple. Their life will unfold in ever-increasing responsibilities and complexity. As it does, he will not always be there for her. Likewise, she will have less time for fun or for keeping up her beauty regimen. When, not if, that happens, will they still be happy? Will they still love each other?
Previously, I shared an exchange between Mary Beth and me while hosting dinner with friends. At that moment, my quick, unmeasured response came across to Mary Beth as “unkind.” So, while not rehearsing that article, may I furnish another painful point to help you keep the goodwill train on its track? (The previous article, entitled “Hit That Pause Button!”, may be found on my website.)
Part of my communication failure stemmed from the instantaneous reaction to Mary Beth’s comment to our friends. The husband-friend had asked how we ate the dish she’d prepared for dinner. Here’s the brief scene:
THE SCENE: We invited friends over for dinner. My bride had prepared a delicious chicken fajita meal, minus the tortillas, with a side of roasted broccoli with grated parmesan. Mary Beth brings the platter of food to the table, and she explains the sides to go with the tortilla-less chicken fajitas. I interject a comment that I later regretted . . . .The moment unfolded like this:
HUSBAND FRIEND: How do you eat this?
MARY BETH: Well, I spoon a serving on my plate, then you can add toppings, like sour cream or cilantro.
BILL: And we have some salsa in the fridge if you wish to put add that.
MARY BETH: (to me) We never put salsa on our fajitas at home.
BILL: Well, I do!
How much conflict can the typical marriage tolerate and remain intact? Research indicates that couples need to look away from conflict to answer that question.
Marriage research by Dr. John Gottman demonstrates that every marriage maintaining a five positive to one negative encounter ratio will remain solid and intact. He dubbed the 5:1 ratio as the “golden ratio.”