It has happened to my wife and me many times! We look up from the daily grind to find ourselves distant from one another.

Do you know what I mean? Humans tend to become so engaged in managing life that we treat our relationship as if it can remain healthy without regular attention. Everything else in life takes precedence over our marriage—our jobs, family, friends, home, yard, pets, and the list grows.

Before long, the signs of stress and inattention begin to show as distance, lack of romance, or maybe more conflict. You may find yourself wondering what happened to your spouse, who doesn’t seem loving.

Before blaming your beloved, step back to assess how much attention you’ve given our mate recently. If you determine that you two have slipped into a period of inattention, then try this.

The best way to bring passion back into your marriage is to raise the level of intentional, positive interactions between you. One expert identifies these as building “fondness and admiration.” Rebuilding fondness and admiration do not require secret knowledge. Reclaiming some small practices can do the trick.

Here are ten suggestions for spicing up your relationship:

  1. FAVORITE MEMORIES. Take a few minutes to share a favorite memory. Maybe from your courtship or your last good vacation memory. Sharing good yesterdays can enliven today!
  2. KIND ACT. Is there some unexpected kindness you can show your spouse? Especially, if acts of service describe your beloved’s primary love language, such an act promotes goodwill.
  3. LOVING TOUCH. Perhaps your spouse feels best loved by physical touch. Then, offering a shoulder rub or foot massage will reconnect you two. Loving touch need not be erotic touch to reignite your love for each other.
  4. PLAN A DATE. Of course, planning and executing a date night remains a short path toward relational renewal.
  5. LOVE NOTE. Imagine how surprised and excited your partner may become to find a handwritten love note from you in the mail. Handwritten notes will be cherished in this age of ephemeral texts and emails.
  6. A HEARTFELT COMPLIMENT. A good, old-fashioned genuine compliment may just fit the bill. Does she look nice this morning? Don’t just comment to yourself but tell her! Did he do a good job detailing your car over the weekend? Let him know how great it is to drive a clean car.
  7. A PASSIONATE KISS. Grab your beloved when you arrive home and give her a passionate kiss for no reason except you missed her today. That’ll probably get her attention!
  8. COOK A MEAL. Husband, are you a grill master? Why not grill a couple of steaks and potatoes for dinner? Wife, what’s your hubby’s favorite dish? He’s bound to respond positively to that aroma wafting through the house!
  9. TAKE A WALK. When last have you two walked hand-in-hand through your neighborhood? A leisurely stroll and unhurried conversation may be the tonic to renew your relationship.
  10. TURN OFF THE PHONES. For one evening, turn off the phones and computers. Spend a couple of hours talking about anything positive. Do you want to upgrade the bedroom with a coat of paint and new bedclothes? Maybe you can begin planning your next anniversary trip. Dreaming a bit together creates great fondness.

You can add your own ideas to this list. A bit of dedication imagination and regular intentional action promise to rejuvenate your marriage. I’d love to hear what you’ve found helpful. Please email your suggestions to

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